by Caitlin Kamba
Wrestling was always a nail biting moment for most of us as we marvelled at the ‘choke-slams’ and the ‘RKOs’, but Zimbabwe’s economic revolution has afforded our generation a real economic wrestle mania as political bigwigs and business moguls battle to stay in the ring.
To spice it all up, has been the declaration by the referee, Minister of Finance and Economic Development, Professor Mthuli Ncube, that there shall be no rules from Government which is typical of the famous ‘there is only one rule, which is no rules’ in this match. Some called him the ‘smiling assassin’, but in the actual case he has turned out to be a comedian that is playing to a very afraid and pessimistic crowd. He knew the economy would sort itself and war would erupt and indeed we are seeing a myriad of battles as Government choreographs the proceedings.
Delving into the business going down in the ring, this week the nation was introduced to an economic Ric Flair in the character of Acie Lumumba also known as William Mutumanje whose desire for the big screen and self-interviews is no secret. He literary took the nation’s attention by storm as everyone wondered where this boy had come from and for whom he was speaking. However, though his utterances decorated with little facts and of course a plurality of foolishness shook the business community right to the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe (RBZ). He had made it to the limelight, but the boy is just hated across the political divide, worse still his indecency which went viral saw him receiving a thumps down all the way until he was quickly eliminated from the ring.
Prof Ncube should honestly consider toning down this game as some will certainly crack their ribs.
This boy Lumumba, wherever he comes from (Conland), how can he certainly leave the nation with homework? Now everyone is wondering and trying to figure out who could be the Queen Bee? Is there even a Queen Bee? One thing for certain, is this boy is a con artist. Remember he appointed himself the spokesperson of the Army during operation restore legacy. He just loves the attention; remember how he recited his ordeal at Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation (ZBC) where he went without an invitation, but just to inquire on the happenings during the operation.
Gossip has it that, he at one time, hoodwinked the Zambian Government until he was appointed some advisor or consultant before he was booted out of that country to this land. Now he claims to be some chairperson of some task force and making all kinds of unsubstantiated claims. You can thus take Lumumba seriously at your own peril or disillusionment, as some had already seen him as a forerunner or spokesperson of this economic revolution.
However, each village has its fool and this Acie guy played his role spectacularly. Back to some serious business, Government finally realised that there are some players in the country’s economy who are deliberately sabotaging the whole economic turn-around issue. What does it do? It opens up the borders, removing the fence it had put to protect these ungrateful guys leaving them to self-introspect. Some quickly realised their ship’s base had been perforated and are now reviewing their prices downwards. This is typical choreographing on the part of Government. If you haven’t seen this, then you are not looking carefully or perhaps you are just so much into the panic buying mode. Just stop the tussling and take a look around you. The basic commodities are not disappearing no matter how we guys have been wrestling each other at the supermarkets.
As is the norm, the Doinks and the Dinkies could not be left out of this spectacular match. This character brings all the satire to this royal rumble and was effectively played by MDC Alliance leader, Nelson Chamisa, and his Dinky son, Charlton Hwende who claimed to have all the skills it takes to be winners of this match before it even started. During the match they would tout to be winning the match despite everyone’s sorry vision of their dwarfism. After being offloaded from the ring they went on to claim they have the skills to make the match exciting.
As if not enough, they are now demanding to be part of the belt lifting ceremony. Who does that? If they had asked, their case could be considered, but bulldozing has always been their game and the spectators are not amused at all.
Believe me, the Doinks are not entirely useless, but should just tone down their satire and banter remember there is real life out of the cage they are in. The game is however, getting exciting all the way as money changers are on the other hand having a run for their monies. Life is just getting tough for the criminal elements in this revolution. Just watch this place for an upcoming episode as more economic wrestling takes place.
